First draft of Journey's End climax:
Doctor: Rose, you’re getting off this TARDIS.
Rose: But I don’t understand, what about you? What about what you (nearly) said at Bad Wolf Bay?
Doctor: We said a great many things. I’ve done a lot of thinking since then and it all adds up to one thing: you staying here in this parallel universe with the Cloned Doctor 10½. It’s where you belong (at least until you make another series of Secret Diary of A Call Girl).
Rose: But Doctor, no!
Doctor: You’ve got to listen to me. Have you any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we’d both wind up being irrevocably typecast as these characters - isn’t that true Lis Sladen?
Sarah-Jane: Yes, I’m afraid the fans will insist.
Rose: You’re saying this only to make me go.
Doctor: I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside we both know you belong with a half-Donna, half-Time Lord clone grown from a hand. You’re the reason for his plot, the thing that keeps him from returning as an Evil Twin someday. If the TARDIS leaves this dimension and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it – maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but possibly last week in a big ball of timey wimeyness. Especially if you stay on BBC salaries.
Rose: But ... what about us?
Doctor: We’ll always have the smugness of our romance in series two. We didn’t have, we lost it until you came back for cameo appearances. But we got it back.
Rose: And I said I would never leave you.
Doctor: And you never will. You’ll be able to do autograph sessions, convention appearances and Big Finish audio plays forever. But I have a job to do and where I’m going you can’t follow – what I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of. Because Steven Moffat will be in charge and he likes to write lots of new love interests for me, ideally ones who only last one episode.
Look, I’m no good at being Donna Noble (though she’s rather good at being me) but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people, or two people and a Clone, don’t amount to a hill of jellybeans in this crazy universe. Someday you’ll understand that (see, the Moffat-style patronising attitude to women is seeping in already). Now now – here’s looking at you, bad wolf.
Rose thinks for a minute, shrugs and snogs the Clone. After all, she’s a professional.
Doctor: Well, Donna, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Donna: More like the end, sunshine: I’m off to do another comedy show. See ya, don’t wanna be ya.
Doctor: Damn. Right, let’s see: is Madonna free for the Christmas Special? George Michael? Ricky Gervais?
Monday, 7 July 2008
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